I was asked by a democratic colleauge asked me to help "punk" her boss by making up an fake email asking for them to have a new song for the campaign. My genius is below.

Dear Misters Kerry and/or Edwards,

My name is Hakmil Urtakizarvi and I am an immigrant to your very good country. I come from Bratislava, but at a young age I was taken from my home by the Soviets and forced into a junior athletes camp to train me for the Olympics. The Russians thought I could win gold in diving board but I was no good and they sent me to another camp, one run by the KGB. They taught me there to hate pig-dog Americans and to fight for the glory of the motherland, but I never believed them.

I am writing you today now as a citizen of your very very good country to tell you about the moment and the man that brought freedom and love into my life. It was November of 1989 and the Berlin Wall was falling. My commander had ordered us to shoot the facist westerners, but we all ran to see the wall fall. It was there that I saw him for the first time.

They whispered that his name was, and I forget never this…

David Hasselhoff. And he sang this song about freedom that touched me in a way that I had never been touched. And I liked the way that Mr. Hasselhoff touched me.

Now in a time of great evil with the Bush man, I look at Mr. Kerry and see him as new David Hasselhoff. Please tell Mr. Kerry to sing the song “freedom,” to bring it to my new country as Mr. Hasselhoff once brought it to my old one. Please let Mr. Kerry touch me in the same way Mr. Hasselhoff once touched me.

I have been looking for freedom…

Sincerest Kindest Regards,

Hakmil Urtakizarvi